Overcoming Social Anxiety: A Path to your Next Career Move

As a headhunter I regularly talk to people and counsel them on career options, advice, and information about the current market trends. I've noticed a common theme lately where people are relying heavily on email and social media for their career searches. I was speaking with a gentleman who had been on the job market for 7 months. Despite having a fantastic CV, working for global multinationals, and doing all the right things to promote himself online, he was struggling to land a new role. He emailed me one day in frustration and we decided to meet for a beer to dissect his career search as I didn't understand what was wrong. Within 15 minutes I had pinpointed a major flaw in his job search game. He hadn't been outside talking to people, networking and putting himself out in the market. He wasn't reaching out to people, connecting with people and talking to people in real-time. While his online presence was strong, it wasn't getting him the results he needed. He wasn't comfortable doing it so we put a plan in place for me to help.

It reminded me of a party I attended many years ago. I was in university and had just returned from a year of living in New Zealand. As college students do, my friend Kyle and I were at a party where we didn't really know anyone. Both of us are generally quite social, but there we were standing in the corner of the room, talking only to each other. I realized that we had alienated ourselves from the group and everyone else seemed to be laughing and there was a genuine flow to the room, except for with us; we were the odd ones out. We both got caught up in our own conversation and didn't admit that the reason we weren't talking to people was because we were afraid. Time went by and we both ended up going home not making a new connection, friend, or even someone we could pass in the hall and say "oh you were at so-and-so's party..." I remember the walk home, feeling almost embarrassed for myself. I was a student, who just returned from a year off for travel and sport, who is supposed to be a confident, savvy college student ready to conquer the world. Instead I was stuck in the corner watching everyone else have the fun, and couldn't even muster up the courage to introduce myself to my peers in the most relaxed of environments.

I made a conscious decision that day to ensure I introduced myself to as many people as possible from then on (if you know me now, you will certainly know that). I had a little mission with myself to be genuinely curious about people I met and I assumed that would show in my interactions, resulting in positive relationships.

A few months later the university was doing a 30 hour famine where we were fasting to raise money for a local charity. There were about 100 students participating and I only knew a few. I made a point to join in the conversation and ensured I had met most of the people doing it as we all shared a common goal. After a few hours of board games and laughs, I noticed a guy sitting by himself who hadn't really talked to anyone the entire evening. No one had approached him, and vice versa. I simply walked over and asked him why he was doing the famine. He replied that he had just started university here, didn't know anyone and felt a bit alone. However, soon, we were having a great conversation and it turned out he actually did have a lot to say.

So this guy that I had just met, whom no one had spoken to, just wanted to meet people. After introducing him to everyone else, we were all eventually playing monopoly, chatting, discussing university life, and raising money together for a good cause. It made me think about something interesting and important.

Life is more enjoyable when you open your mouth! You need to get out and talk with people to make meaningful connections.

I felt the candidate who had been on the market for 7 months would benefit from meeting the right people. I set up drinks with some individuals in my network whom I felt would also benefit from meeting him. After a few meetings, he met a client who needed a profile like his to do some short term consulting. The short term role turned into a long term contract and he's been consulting for the past year, a career he actually prefers to full time employment. A win-win from a simple introduction. He made the choice to put himself out there and meet people. It changed his life.

I get emails everyday from people who are unsatisfied in their current role, or who are having trouble finding a job, or who aren't getting their resume seen. The reason I am writing this is to encourage you, whether you are employed or unemployed, whether you have few friends or you’re overloaded, to do the simplest thing: Get out there and meet people. Get to know the people that work next door, or on your floor, or who you see in the elevator every day.

“Meeting a stranger can be totally fleeting and meaningless, for example, unless you enter the individual’s world by finding out at least one thing that is meaningful to his or her life and exchange at lest one genuine feeling. Tuning in to others is a circular flow: you send yourself out toward people; you receive them as they respond to you.”  - Deepak Chopra

The people you pass every day are potential friends, collaborators, mentors, or employers, and every time you don't talk to them, you're missing an opportunity. Let me ask you this:

How often do you stand in silence in the Starbucks queue?

How many times have you been on an airplane and sat quiet for a 10 hour flight?

This could be the best way to find a new job, new lead, new sale, new investor, or new friendship. You might learn something you didn't know before. You might meet someone who can teach you something. It may lead to new friends, new connections, and new contacts.

As with anything else in life, you may not be comfortable approaching people with ease. But with practice, it becomes easier and easier. I know first hand from my college days. And hey, guess what? Almost everyone feels the same way.

So now that you have something in common with basically everyone, go meet them. In fact, this is not even new to anyone. It's something you did when you were much younger, with no fear whatsoever. As kids we weren't afraid of meeting anyone (probably why our parent's warned us about strangers). But as adults, in the professional world, forget what your mom said. Talking to strangers might change your life for the positive.

So next time you're in the elevator, or in line to purchase a bagel and coffee, lean over and say hi to the person next to you. Be curious. Meet them. Do just that and I can guarantee that if you do it enough, something good will come from it.